The Ugly Side of Healing: Grief, Neurodivergence & the Weight of Being Alive

Healing isn’t always beautiful. It’s not a perfectly curated self-care day or a sunrise epiphany. Sometimes, it’s crying in your car. Sometimes, it’s staring at a wall for hours, trying to stop the same thought from spinning like a broken record in your mind.

It’s not linear. It’s not always empowering. It’s not always Instagram-worthy.

And for those of us who are neurodivergent or chronically ill—it’s a fight just to keep showing up at all.

💭 Why It’s Hard to “Just Get Over It” When You’re Neurodivergent

For many neurodivergent folks, healing is especially complicated.

Our brains don’t work the way most people’s do. We don’t just move on. We ruminate. We replay. We analyze. We try to make sense of pain by living it over and over again.

This isn’t drama. This is wiring.

We can get trapped in mental loops that feel impossible to escape. What looks like overthinking to others might just be our brain trying to process something that won’t leave us alone.

Unfortunately, that kind of survival doesn’t always feel like living.

🩺 The Grief No One Talks About

Now imagine that ruminating mind inside a chronically ill body.

When you live with chronic illness, you're constantly grieving:

• The old you

• The life you planned for

• The freedom of spontaneous moments

• The version of your body that wasn’t fighting you

And the cruel part? You’re still alive. But parts of you aren’t—and maybe never will be again.

This is living grief. Ongoing, invisible, and unspoken. There are no sympathy cards for that kind of loss.

💔 When Relationships Change, It Hurts Differently

Healing will cost you people. Sometimes the ones you least expect.

When you’re not who you used to be, relationships shift. Some don’t know how to support you. Some disappear quietly. Some blame you for changing.

Even when you knew certain people weren't good for your spirit, losing them still leaves a hole.

You grieve them. You grieve the shared memories, the future plans, the emotional investment. You grieve the version of yourself that existed within that connection.

🧠 Why Grieving Is Essential for Healing

Grieving is not indulgent. It’s not weakness. It’s regulation.

When you allow yourself to grieve, you give your nervous system permission to:

• Process what happened

• Integrate what changed

• Regulate its internal chaos

Avoiding grief keeps you stuck in a state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Your heart races. Your muscles tense. Your mind spirals.

Over time, repressed grief can manifest as:

• Chronic stress

• Sleep disturbances

• Anxiety and depression

• Emotional detachment

• Physical illness or flare-ups

Letting yourself grieve isn’t giving up—it’s choosing to be fully present with what is.

🔄 This Is a Process, Not a Performance

Healing isn’t a checklist. It’s a cycle.

Some days, you’ll feel like you’ve made progress. Other days, you’ll feel like you’re drowning in the same pain all over again.

This isn’t failure. This is the nature of healing—especially for the chronically ill and neurodivergent.

And while many of us may never fully heal physically, we can create stability emotionally and mentally. That’s healing too.

🧬 Emotional Wounds Can Metastasize

Unprocessed pain doesn’t sit still. It spreads.It shows up in how you talk to yourself. It shows up in your reactions, your habits, your boundaries—or lack of them.

Emotional and mental wounds take time. Some may never completely disappear.But they can be managed. They can be softened.

You don’t have to carry them the same way forever.

🕊️ Let It Be Ugly

You don’t have to heal gracefully. You don’t have to perform your pain for others.You don’t have to shrink your grief to make others comfortable.

Everything you’re feeling is valid.Everything you’re holding is heavy.And you still deserve peace.

Some people will understand. Most won’t. That’s okay.

🌿 Find What Calms You

Find what soothes your nervous system:

• Nature

• Journaling

• Breathwork

• Music

• Movement

• Therapy

• Silence

Let stillness cradle you.Let softness become your rebellion.Let yourself rest without apology.

🪷 Final Thoughts

Healing isn’t pretty. It’s not easy.But it’s worth it.

You deserve peace.Even if you’re still hurting.Even if no one claps for you.Even if it takes your whole life.

Let it be messy. Let it be yours.Let it be.